Devil's Kitchen

2011-11-01T02:26:00.000-07:00

घरा-घराची गोष्ट - 2

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आम्ही आत गेलो. समोरची खोली बघून वाटलं कि हे कुठल्या करोडपती घरात आपण भाड्यानी राहणार.

घराचे मालक म्हणाले “या. समीर सावने ना तुम्ही? या.बसा.”

थोड्या वेळ चर्चा केल्यावर समजलं की घरमालकांनी (प्रायवेट कोचिंग क्लासेस मार्फत) ज्ञान-दानात आपला आयुष्य घालवलं आहे.

“गेली पस्तीस वर्ष ह्यांनी शिक्षकाचा व्यवसाय केला आहे.” मालकीण बाई म्हणाल्या.

“बंगला बघून त्यांनी शिक्षणाचा व्यवसाय केला आहे असं वाटतं” मी हळूच पुटपुटलो तेवढ्यात स्नेहाने मला बारीक चिमटा काढला आणि शांत केलं.

त्या प्रशस्त घराची सैर झाल्यावर मालक म्हणाले “तुम्हाला कुठे तरी पहिल्यासारखं वाटतं. तुम्ही दोघे सुद्धा माझेच विद्यार्थी का?”

“नाही. आम्ही दोघांनीही कधीही कुठले क्लासेस लावले नाही. स्वतः शिकलो” स्नेहा म्हणाली. पुन्हा एकदा माझ्या बायको बद्दलचा माझा अभिमान उफाळून आला.

“तुम्ही माझ्या विद्यार्थ्यांसारखे दिसता. तुम्हाला म्हणून विशेष सूट. तुम्ही मात्र १४००० रुपये भाडे द्या.” मालक म्हणाले.

मालकांचा ते औदार्य बघून साक्षात कर्णाला देखील भडभडून आले असते. मनात आलं होतं कि विचारावं की ‘रात्रीच्या वेळी इथे चौकीदारी करून भाडं फेडलं तर चालेल का’ पण मी तो मोह टाळला.

“बरे आहे. आम्ही कळवतो तुम्हाला.” मी म्हणालो.

“बरे आहे. मग कधी पासून येताय राहायला?” मालक पुन्हा म्हणाले.

“मी कळवतो. मी फोन करीन तुम्हाला” मी पुन्हा नकार कळवायचा प्रयत्न केला पण तो ही व्यर्थ गेला.

“येत्या महिन्च्याच्या एक तारखेपासून या” मालक पुन्हा म्हणाले.

मी काही बोलणार इतक्यात मालकीण बाई म्हणाल्या “आणि २-३ दिवसात एक महिन्याचं भाडं देऊन द्याल म्हणजे आम्ही इतर कोणाला नाही दाखवणार घर”

“अहो काकू तुम्हाला...” हे माझं बोलना अर्ध्यात तोडून स्नेहा म्हणाली “बरं काका. आम्ही येऊ एक तारखेपासून” आणि मला दाराच्या दिशेनी ढकललं.

“अग येतो काय? पुन्हा तो त्रास देईल फोन करून” मी बाहेर आल्यावर स्नेहाला म्हणालो.

“अरे वा! मी मघाशी म्हणाली कि एजंट कडून घर घ्यायचा नाही तर तू मला मुर्खात काढलं आणि आता तूच हे म्हणतो आहे!” स्नेहाचा

पलटवार झाला.

नंतरचे काही मिनिट फक्त शांतता होती. शत्रू समोरासमोर असून सुद्धा जेव्हा शत्रूच्या हल्ल्याची वाट बघतात, तसं काहीसा झालं होतं. कोणाच्या ओळखीनी तर कुठली जाहिरात वाचून असं आम्ही पुन्हा घर शोधायला लागलो. पण डोळ्यात भरेल असा घर काही सापडत नव्हतं. आणखी २-३ घरं बघून झाली. पण एकही पटलं नाही. कुठे घर छोटं तर कुठे भाडं जास्त तर कुठे हवा-उजेड नाही तर कुठे पार्किंग ची जागा नाही.

शेवटी स्नेहा म्हणाली “मी मावशीला विचारून बघते. तिच्या कोणी ओळखीचं असेल तर बघुया.”

सिंहगड रोड जवळ एक फ्लॅट आहे अशी बातमी विश्वसनीय सूत्रांकडून मिळाली. आमची गाडी त्या दिशेनी वळली.

एका ८ मजली ईमारातीसमोर आम्ही थांबलो. दाराशी एक जख्खड म्हातारा वॉचमॅन बसला होता. तो तिथे पहाऱ्यापेक्षा उपोषणाला बसला आहे असंच जास्त वाटत होतं. अश्या वेळी वॉचमॅन फक्त पाण्याच्या टाकीचे नळ सुरु आणि बंद करण्यासाठी असतो ह्याची मला खात्रीच झाली.

“पोटासाठी मनुष्याला काय काय करावं लागतं बघ ना” स्नेहाच्या ह्या उद्गारांनी माझी मलाच लाज वाटली. एकाच व्यक्तीकडे बघून दोन लोकांना किती वेगळे विचार येऊ शकतात ह्याची मला पूर्ण कल्पना झाली.

“कोनाकडे जायचं तुम्हाला?” वॉचमॅननी विचारलं. “इथ येन्ट्री करा. गाडीचा नंबर भी लिवा”

माझं आधीच डोकं गरम झालं होतं आणि एकंदरच ह्या प्रकाराचा मला कंटाळा आला होता. मी त्रासिक आवाजात म्हटलं “ सरंजामे ह्यांच्याकडे जायचं आहे”.

“काय काम हाय?” वॉचमॅननी पुन्हा एक आगाऊ प्रश्न केला.

माझं वैताग आणखी वाढला आणि मी स्नेहाला पुढे करत म्हणालो “परवा संध्याकाळी त्यांची मुलगी पळवून नेली होती. आज परत करायला आलो आहे”

“काय वाटेल तसं बोलू नका. आत सोडणार न्हाय” वॉचमॅन आपला आवाज चढवत म्हणाला.

शेवटी स्नेहा मध्ये पडली आणि म्हणाली “त्यांचं एक घर आहे भाड्यानी द्यायचं. ते बघायला आलो आहे.”

“मग असं सरळ सांगा ना. उगाच बोलायला लावता. काय आजकाल कुठलेबी भामटे लोक बिल्डिंग मध्ये घुसतात म्हनून विचारलं.” वॉचमॅननी गेट पास दिला. माझ्या चेहऱ्यावरचे भाव बघूनच लोकांना अशी शंका येत असावी असं मला वाटायला लागलं आहे.

“इथ घर भाड्याने द्यायच्या आधी शेक्रेटरी साहेबांची परमिशन लागते. तुम्ही आदुगर शेक्रेटरी साहेबांना भेटा.बत्रा साहेब. फ्लॅट नम्बर १०.” वॉचमॅन पुन्हा म्हणाला.

“अहो काका, पण ज्यांचं घर आहे ते आम्हाला माहिती आहे” मी पुन्हा म्हणालो.

“तुम्ही आधी बोलून घ्या. नाहीतर मग मला शिव्या बसतात.थांबा.” वॉचमॅन म्हणाला आणि सरळ सेक्रेटरीला फोन लावला.

भाग ३ लवकरच

2011-10-03T06:10:00.000-07:00

घरा-घराची गोष्ट

एप्रिल महिन्याचा एक तापलेला शनिवार होता. “कुणी मला (भाड्यानी) घर देता का घर” असं (मनातल्या मनात) म्हणत आम्ही हिंडत होतो. माझी (होणारी) बायको आणि मी एकंदरच ह्या प्रकाराला कंटाळलो होतो. माझ्या पोटाच्या विस्तारामुळे आणि तापलेल्या सूर्य देवतेनी अंगात घामाच्या फोडलेल्या पाझरामुळे माझ्या टी-शर्ट वर दक्षिण अमेरिके सारखा एक नकाशा तयार झाला होता.

दोन महिन्यांवर लग्न येऊन ठेपलेले, त्यामुळे राहण्याची सोय करणे हे अनिवार्य झाले होते. आठवड्याची सुरुवात कुठ्ल्या भागात घर घ्यायचे ह्या (परीसं)वादानी अतिशय छान झाली होती. दोघेही IT मधले ई-मजूर असून दोघांचे ऑफिस पूर्व-पश्चिम दिशेला, त्यामुळे मध्यभागी पडेल असा भाग निवडायचा असा तोडगा निघाला. अगदी मध्यभागात सर्व परीने चांगले घर सापडणे म्हणजे अर्जुनानी पाण्यात प्रतिबिंब बघून मासोळीचा डोळा फोडण्या इतके सुलभ होते. अर्थात आजच्या परिस्थितीत तसे घर सापडले तर ते ही द्रौपदी सारखेच सुंदर वाटेल.

सगळ्यात मोठा पेच होता एजंट नावाच्या गनीमापासून पिच्छा सोडवणे. महिन्या-दोन महिन्याचा पगार एजंट च्या हवाली करणे म्हणजे भेळवाल्या भैयानी भेळ चांगली बनवली म्हणून स्वतःच्या ताटलीतली थोडी भेळ भैयाला देण्यासारखे होते. त्यामुळे आम्ही स्वतःच शोध सुरु केला. पु. लं च्या भाषेत डोकं गमावलेल्या मुरारबाजी सारखं सुरुवातीला थैमान घातलं. जे दुकान, जो चौकीदार दिसेल त्याला आम्ही विचारत सुटलो. एका दुकानात शिरलो. “Aappa Dry Cleaners” नावाची पाटी लागली होती. पुण्यात लोक “अप्पा” ला “आप्पा” का म्हणतात हे कोडे मला अजूनही सुटलेले नाही.

“नमस्कार भाऊ” मी म्हटलं.

“राम राम” आपल्या भरड्या आवाजात दुकानाचे मालक म्हणाले.

“इथे एखाद घर भाड्याने द्यायचं ठाऊक आहे का तुम्हाला?” मी विचारलं.

“हा साहेब. बोला न कुठल्याश्या एरिया मंधी पाहिजे घर?” त्यांनी आपला जाड आवाज आणखीनच जाड करत विचारलं.

त्याचं हे वाक्य ऐकताच माझी (होणारी) बायको माझ्या कानात पुटपुटली “अरे समीर हा एजंट आहे”.

आता तो एजंट आहे हे माझ्या पण लगेच लक्षात आलं होतं, पण त्याला हे न दर्शवता पण माहिती काढता आली असती. मी स्नेहा ला खूण करून शांत राहण्याचा इशारा केला.

“नाही तसं नाही. इथे आस पास काही आहे का भाड्यानी द्यायला.” मी पुन्हा विचारलं.

“अरे पण आपल्याला एजंट कडून घर घ्यायचंच नाहीये!” स्नेहा पुन्हा पुटपुटली.

मी आता स्नेहा कडे रागाने डोळे दाखवले. मला त्याचं प्रत्युत्तर “दुकानातून बाहेर निघ मग सांगते” अश्या थाटात तिच्या डोळ्यांच्या धोकादायक इशाऱ्याने मिळाले.

“साहेब, २ मिनिट थांबा. आत्ता सांगतो तुम्हाला. ज्या एरियात पाहिजे तिथे सांगतो ‍‌फ्लॅट” आप्पा पुन्हा म्हणाले.

“नाही. मला एजंट कडून घर घ्यायचं नाही आहे.” आता स्नेहा ला शांत राहणं कठीण झालं होतं.

“न्हाय बाईसाहेब. एजंट न्हाय, भाऊ हाय माझा. लयी फक्कड काम जमवून देईल बघा तुम्हाला. मला तुमचा नंबर द्या. तो करील तुम्हास फोन.लई लोकांना घरं दिलीत हाय त्यानी” इति श्री आप्पा.

स्नेहा: “नाही आम्हाला नको. आम्ही बघून घेऊ”

“अहो म्याडम, तुमची कायबी कम्प्लेंट न्हाय राहणार बघा”

“पण आम्हाला नकोच आहे तर”

“एक काम करा, मला त्यांचा फोन नंबर द्या, मीच फोन करीन” मीच मध्ये पडून आप्पा आणि स्नेहा चा लॉन टेनिस चा सामना संपवला.

जमेल तितक्या छोट्या कागदावर आप्पा नी नंबर लिहून दिला आणि आम्ही दुकानाच्या बाहेर पडलो. बाहेर पडल्या पडल्या स्नेहा चा प्रश्न येणं मला अपेक्षित होतं.

“मला काय डोळे दाखवत होता आत? मी आपल्या चांगल्यासाठीच सांगत होते ना?” स्नेह कडाडली

“अग हो! पण मला नाही कळत का कसं बोलावं ते? मला पण लगेच समजलं तो एजंट आहे म्हणून. त्यानी बोलण्यात काही माहिती दिली असती तर?” माझ्या बचाव फळी नी आपोआप प्रत्युत्तर दिले.

“हो! पाहिलं ते!! खूप छान माहिती दिली न त्याने!! बाकी सगळं जग बरोबर.फक्त मी मुर्ख” स्नेहाने आवाजातला रडवेला स्वर लपवण्याकरता त्याला रागाचं कापड पांघरलं.

खरं सांगायचं तर तेव्हा स्नेहाचा खूप राग आला होता पण मग वाटलं की ह्यात सुद्धा तिचं प्रेमच होतं जे राग बनून माझ्यावरच उठलं होतं. मी स्नेहाच्या अश्रूंचा बांध भर रस्त्यावर फुटू नये म्हणून तिला होटेल मध्ये नेण्याची आमिष दाखवली. होटेल मध्ये बसलो असताना तिथे भिंतीवर एक घर भाड्यानी देण्याची जाहिरात बघितली. आम्ही ताबडतोब तो पत्ता आणि फोन नंबर घेतला आणि कॉफी संपवून निघालो.

घर जवळच होतं. घरासमोर पोहोचलो आणि त्याचं भव्य-दिव्य रूप बघून चाट पडलो. ‘लोक इतका पैसा कसा कमावतात?’ ह्या ज्वलंत प्रश्नावर आमच्या दोघांमध्ये एक छोटासा संवाद सुरु झाला आणि काहीही उत्तर न निघता संपला. त्या दोन मजली इमारतीच्या दारातून आम्ही आत शिरलो. समोर एक भलामोठा कुत्रा झोपला होता.आमच्या दार उघड्ण्यामुळे त्याची निद्राभंग झाली आणि त्यानी त्रासिक नजरेने आमच्याकडे बघितले. त्याचे डोक्यावरचे आणि कानावरचे केस लसिथ मलिंगा सारखे होते आणि चेहऱ्यावरचे (अ)भाव मुनाफ पटेल सारखे. “काय हल्ली मालकाकडे कुठलेही लोक येतात” अश्या भावाने गुरगुरला आणि पुन्हा झोपी गेला.

“काय मस्तवाल कुत्रा आहे हा?” माझ्यातलं श्वान प्रेम जागं झालं आणि त्याला वाचा फुटली.

“अरे तो नाही ती ही आहे. कुत्री आहे ती” स्नेहा म्हणाली.

त्यावेळी स्नेहा चं मला जे कौतुक वाटलं ते आज पर्यंत कधीही वाटलं नाही. ते पोत्यासारखा पसरलेलं जनावर कुत्रा आहे कि कुत्री हे कुठल्याही प्रकारे सांगणं शक्य नव्हतं आणि माझ्या (होणाऱ्या) बायकोने फक्त चेहरा बघून ते सांगितलं ह्याचा मला अभिमान वाटला.

भाग २ लवकरच...

IT manache shlok - Part-1

2011-03-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

IT मधल्या तान्ह्या बालान्कारीता मनाचे श्लोक

प्रभाते मनी रोज चिंतीत JAVA
J2EE चा ही सदा ध्यास घ्यावा
घेवोनी जरा आसरा OSF चा
Reusable portlets develop कराव्या

Google सारखे पूर्ण साम्राज्य ज्याचे
तिथे काम करणे अहोभाग्य माझे
म्हणोनी सदा मागतो मी भिकारी
मिळे job ऐसा जो आयुष्य तारी

For testers-

सदा सर्वदा Code तुझा पडावा
तुझे कारणी रेट माझा चढावा
उपेक्षु नको काही खंत व चिंता
defect सापडो मागणे हेची आता

नको रे मना क्रोध हा manager चा
नको रे मना खेद हा Appraisal चा
म्हणे चक्रधारी फुटे कर्म त्याचे
परी जो सदा ह्याच तालात नाचे

मना सज्जना net शोधीत जावे
मिळे code तो फक्त टाकीत जावे
मना सर्वथा code पाहुनी घ्यावा
परी या जगी तो चि publish करावा

जय जय James Gosling समर्थ!!!!

some serious timepass

2010-11-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

Tum "tender grass" morning ki, main dopahar ka "hay"
Tum Ocean Pacific wala, main Bengal ka Bay
Main high court ka demolition order,tum supreme court ka stay
Main bachchan wala B, tum Amitabh ka A

Tum source energy ka, main source ka chhota sa Ray,
Main kamar ka dard, tum Relispray
tum fixed salary ka dilasa, main variable pay
Tum khili hui chandni, main scorching heat of May
tum economic times ka expert opinion, main gossip of mid day...

Tum haseena ki zulfon ka mela, main ganje ke sir ka baal akela
Tum acting me guru meena kumari ki, main bharat bhushan ka chela
Tum Seven star Marriott, main pav bhaji ka thela
Tum saji dhaji fruit plate, main rukha sukha kela

Tum weekend IT walon ka, main unhi ka Monday
tum successful release ka sehra, hum escalation ke jhande
tum gyaan sadhuon wala, hum bol bachan ke fundae
Tum Rifle army walon ka, hum police ke dande
Tum omlette garma garam, hum uble hue ande

Internet and Expressions

2010-10-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

Finally, I’m trying to get back to blogging after a year and half... And hope to keep this habit a bit more frequent than Halley’s Comet seen on earth.

Well, it’s difficult to start after a long gap, and you seem to stop short of everything, including subject of the topic. I won’t write about India’s victory over Aussies as everyone would write the same or The God himself, as I’m nobody to comment on his game.

I was in office when I got an interesting forward which had some funny stats. It said that more than 90% of people express their true feelings on the internet. From tweets of greats like Mr Anand Mahindra or curiosity of what legends like Abdul Kalam would tweet to face book wall posts of every Tom Dick and Harry, this form of online encyclopaedia has all the traits of human being available. We come across some regular and rather boring updates as to what they do or did to some very creative stuff which makes you do an ROFL. I recently read one of the facebook wall posts which said

“ A lot can happen over a coffee, but a lot DOES happen over a vodka” which had me splits laughing J and then that post status changed to “ You and 7 others like this” or one more which said “Facebook is the only place besides mental asylum where you see people talking to walls” and the same happened afterwards.

Seeing such posts, I cannot help and correlate to that amusing graphs that more than 90% of people on the internet. Further to wall posts, people share their pics and videos on the SNS (Social Networking Sites). Some of these actually satisfy the criteria of NFPD (Not Fit for Public Display) and then the comments rip the photo apart.

Most often is the picture of (not even) an average looking girl standing or sitting as if made to stand on Point Blank Range and her friends of same gender give comments like “ Lookin ausum” or “ looking gorgeous” or words like sweetie or cutie. By no way that picture can be defined within nearest possible boundaries of the meaning of word gorgeous and yet the photo gets so many likes and comments.

Then you have the frustrated IT lot who vent out their frustration and carry their office talks to social sites. A series of not so decent replies over a small post and then some of the replies get deleted because the post owner has his superiors present in his friend list and may see something written about them and reply trail looks like an oddly made chain with several chunks missing. All and all the stat is absolutely true that more than 90% people show their true emotions on the internet.

There’s much to write on this which may or may not be carried on in the next blog J. That’s pretty much it for this edition. CIAO

Ants and the grasshopper

2009-03-18T11:05:00.000-07:00

Every one of us knows the story of Ants and the grasshopper right?? There was a colony of the ants, they used to work hard, grass hopper used to tease ants for their toiling in the heat. Winter came, grasshopper was dying and the ants were comfortable in their hives enjoying the warmth. Then the grasshopper was given a shelter and it realized the fruits of hard work. Here goes the complete story…

===========================
Once upon a time there was a colony of ants; a colony of thousands of ants, toiling all day to collect food from various corners. All faithful servants depositing whatever they’d got to the reserves, carrying 10 times more load than their weight. They knew no day, no night, no heat no cold, no laziness, and no sickness. All of them following a line obeying as their seniors ordered. Neither did the ants crave for more food nor less working hours. Never did they ask for better working condition and never complained about boredom.

The management of the Ants was very happy with the progress and even had won the Best Organization during the 81st All Insect Welfare Organization (AIWO) adjudged by special panel of Rare Nocturnal Insects. The ants were often praised and rewarded for their work.

Spring was approaching, the generosity of nature was seen with the abundance of food and the ants worked more than ever. Food/ant ratio was at all time high and the ants were in a position to lend some of the food to other colonies as well besides securing their own reserve amounts. In turn they were allowed to expand their colony size or lent some space in the other colonies.

They gathered bread and cherry,
Toiled together and lived merry
Work was the motto, sweat was the song
Until the Hopper came along

Hopper was green and was bright,
Shining like a ray of light,
He had pride that was so tall
Always thought the world was small

He danced and sang the songs of mirth,
Clad in green like beauty of earth,
“Dance and Sing” were his chants
It stopped the work and lured few ants.

Ants started watching the hopper sing and dance, and were tempted to dance with him.
‘Why work when we have so much around to enjoy? Dance and sing. Enjoy the fruits of nature. We only work hard and do nothing for ourselves. The queen does not want us to be free’. Some of the ants thought to themselves.

Few of them joined the chants with the grasshopper and few murmured songs in a low tone due to mixed feeling of guilt and fear. Some of the brave ones actually started dancing. The ants for the first time realized, there was something else in life other than work.

Time passed by and the hopper sang along
Enjoying the prosperity as the spring went on
Some more joined and danced night long
Nothing they could hear but for Hopper’s song.

The incident was reported to the General. Infuriated, the General went to the scene and whipped the ants. Terrified ants were jolted back to reality seeing the General and started back for work when Hopper said

Why toil in heat when the food is plenty
Eat and Sing as the spring grows dainty
Wipe your sweat, cheer the spring
Live these days like a King

General was further infuriated with this statement and before he could speak some of the ants spoke “We never have felt so good in our life. We do nothing but hard work.”

The General’s whip came stronger and harder before he could speak. Then he spoke” When winter comes and there will be no food, what will you do? Will you still sing and dance?? Can you still be so cheerful then? I do not know of him, but you will surely be thrown out of the colony. What will happen when you don’t gather your quota of food? The Food Administration Department registers each and every bit. You will be deprived of food and eventually thrown out. Then sing and dance with this foolish Hopper.”

Ants did not dare speak a word. Hopper still had the guts to retort: “Come on General. You must have enough food to serve all the ants till next mid-spring. I have seen them work. You should not have any problems even if you stop working completely now.”

General did not heed the comments of Hopper and got the other ants back to work.
However, this thought had remained at back of the General’s mind. Though, he never showed any signs, it never left him. Normalcy was restored by the management. Work started even more vigorously.

Ants worked more and more,
Gathered food in the store,
They slogged more, never as before
Just to fulfill what they had swore

Queen’s anger was decreasing seeing the ants work more. She still kept the ants under control by her “Strive to thrive” motto.

Fetch everything, gather all
Was the motto of Queen’s call,
Wondered everyone, why we slog,
When we have, ample of stock!

---------------------------------------------------------

Winter was approaching. The days were growing cold. The ants had to change their routine schedules to gather food. Ants worked in different shifts in different teams. Each team now was assigned a particular area and the ants that had completed their tasks were transferred on loan basis to other groups to complete their tasks.

One such evening when the Queen and the General were in discussion, the Hopper issue came up.

Queen: It was good you controlled the situation in time General, fine job done there.

General: Thank you Your Highness. With your permission, may I say something?

Queen: Sure. Please go on.

General: The days are growing cold and work is becoming difficult. We had some injuries two days ago to West Wing group due to the cold pebbles in the way. May I request you to stop the work for that region in coming 15 days?

Queen: Stop the work?? What kind of request is that? We cannot STOP the work!! I don’t want the food/ant ratio to go down at such difficult situation. What will I answer to the AIWO? No General. We have to find an alternative. I cannot risk banishing some of the ants at this point because of lack of food.

General: We are not in scarcity of food Your Highness. Food Administration department has shown that our food graphs are at all time high. Ants are already being shuffled and are stretched. We can pass through the entire winter even if we stop the work completely.
.
Queen: No!! Work must go on. Try to dig in a tunnel and work underground like we have done in the East wing. See how many human colonies are nearby. Start getting food from there. Humans have their houses pretty warm. Else we need to cut the food supply by 5% for all the families in that section.

General did not dare argue at this point.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Winter was at its full strength now. Cold winds sent shivers down the spine. Number of ants working reduced day by day. Now the ants worked in rotation and limited underground routes were open for food transfer. Remaining ants were either sent on internal tasks like guarding the colony boundaries or administration tasks. Hopper on the other hand had gone pale. He did all he could to search for food but could not find anything beneath the snow clad lands and trees.

Stranded in between, changing times
Thought if he would have, worked at times
Beds of Roses was what he thought
Regretted, it was thorns he bought.

Dying with hunger, Hopper mustered all his energy but could barely move forward. Only thing he could see now was a feebly blinking light coming from a distant colony. Determination was his best friend.

----------------------------------------------------------

Discussions for future planning were increasing between the Queen, General and the Secretariat. One such evening, the Queen was in discussion with the General when the winter scare cropped up again.

Queen: The winter is getting stronger by the day. We need to take some major decisions to tackle it.

General: Your Highness, we can cut down on the trade with colonies on South wing. As it is we do not need many imports from them now and can do without them as well. Further we can stop the trade with insects on the south eastern borders. The graphs have gone down to some extent but we can manage for 4-5 months.

Queen: We need to keep some surplus always in case of any casualties. We cannot take that risk General. Send my word. Under the Act for Predictable Emergency clause for Future Security, I am decreasing 5% food quota from all the Ant families until further notice. Trades on Southern and South-Eastern borders shall be stopped to immediate effect. Messenger, send my word to the colony. And the colonies on the… What is it now?

The Queens command was cut short by the panting guard who rushed in through the door.

Guard: Your Highness, it is the Hopper. He’s dying. He somehow reached our gate.
We have brought him in.

General: We may already be short of food. We cannot risk his stay. Ask him to leave as soon as he regains consciousness.

Queen: No. The Hopper shall stay. I’ll talk to him.

General: But Your Highness, we already are talking about reducing supply for existing members. And the Hopper will consume food equivalent to 3-4 Ants!!

Queen: Yes. But he is also capable of carrying weight 10 times greater than ants. If trained, he can serve well in the regions where Ants can’t proceed. Also, I’ve heard he sings well. He can be placed in the Entertainment Department as well. Let’s go to the Hopper.

General: But Your Highness, the other Ants may not be happy with this decision.

Queen: Let me take care of that.

General said nothing. But deep down, he seemed hurt by this decision.

..The messenger had announced the food reduction orders and there was dissatisfaction in general.

Queen and the General reached the place where Hopper had been brought Hopper was treated and had regained consciousness

Queen: I hope you have now understood the importance of work and planning.

Hopper: Your Highness, I was a fool. You have saved my life. How can I ever repay you?

Queen: You can now stay here with us. Learn the virtues of hard work and planning. Work with us.

Hopper: I will gladly do that Your Highness. I owe my life to you.

Seeing this, other ants were obviously agitated. Ants started shouting about the existing conditions and inclusion of Hopper.

‘How can the management include him when we are already short of supplies? Why this discrimination? ‘

Queen: My friends, it is our duty to help the needy.

Murmurs turned into loud discussions. The dissatisfaction was pretty much visible and the crowd was in no mood to heed.

General felt defeated at these words and decided to oppose the dual policy of the queen. For the first time General said something he had never thought of.

General: My Lady, I need to talk to you regarding this policy. I do not agree with it. One side we plan to reduce individual quota and on the other hand, we plan to recruit Hopper!
The reality is, we have enough quotas for the rest of winter and easily pass through it without any reduction. Even the graphs have been manipulated earlier to some extent which I also have been a part of unfortunately.
It was for your earlier decisions that I opposed Hopper’s stay. Hopper can very well stay, but there will be no reduction. And I am in no mood to back out.
My Lady, in such difficult times, it is not how hard we hit, but how hard we get hit and still continue to walk.

We need to talk on this.

The Ants now got the harsh reality of Queen’s plan and the unrest now was at peak. It was then the Queen realized what her fate would be if she dared to oppose. Finally, after gathering much courage she said,

Queen: Fine. I need a detailed report on the correct food graphs. We can then discuss on reduction part.

====================================

Afterthoughts: If Only World economy was like the Ants colony, recession could have been better dealt with.

Note: Special thanks to Kartik Thombre for making the article reach this blog space.

Tamanna

2009-02-14T00:31:00.000-08:00

Khil uthi hai aaj mere dil me fir jeene ki chaahat
sun raha hu aanewale maut ke kadamo ki aahat
Zindagi tujhse main maangu saans lene ki de fursat
de saku jaate hue main kuch palon ki muskurahat

Dard mera keh raha tha aur tadpaoon tujhe
Maut mujhse keh rahi thi aaj le jaoon tujhe
Kaid se is jism ke rooh fir azaad ho
Zindagi teri panah me maut ab aabaad ho

Kya kiya maine jahan me jo kahu main ya khuda
Chand lamho ki de mohlat keh sakun main alvida
Jo kiya apne liye bas kar na paya main wafaa
Khush na kar paya kisiko khud se tha jo main khafa

Ab hua ehsaas mujhko kya kiya maine yahan
Dard banta hi raha main ban na paya main dawa
Ek mauka de mujhe koshish karoon baantu khushi
Aakhri khwahish hai hothon pe main laaoonga hasi…

Professional Atyachaar!!!!!! Recession Strikes!!!! NOM

2009-02-13T23:27:00.000-08:00

Note: This is NOT an Auto-generated message. So please do reply to the same.

PROFESSIONAL ATYACHAR

profile pighla ke saaz bana loon, market ko awaaz bana loon
smoking smoking nikle re dhuaaaa

seene me jalti, haay appraisal ki arthi,
arre what to tell office me kya hua

sapne dekhe pay-hike ke wo mitti me mil jaaye
doobi re project ki lutiya, client bole goodbye...

pad jaaye haye allah, recession ki jo maar

tauba tera system, sach me hai bekaar,
tera professional atyachaar.

Ho gaye jo bekaar, hum sabhi
Lut gaye re ghar-baar, sab fut-fut chillaye

Ho gaye jo bekaar, hum sabhi
Lut gaye re ghar-baar, ab bhajiye bhi na tal paaye

bol bol how did you catch me...
naukri bhi lele yaara kick me...

bol bol how did you catch me...
naukri bhi lele yaara kick me...

jaoon kahan?? jaoon kahan?? jaoon kahan??

tauba tera system, sach me hai bekaar
tera professional atyachaar!!!

Kahani Me Twist

2009-02-13T23:22:00.000-08:00

Bheega hua tha samaa, umange thi jawaan

Mehek rahi thi wadiyan, chha raha tha nasha

Baarish ka tha mausam, khoya tha wo kahan

Aise marz ki to bas ek hi thi dawaa

Socha usne aayega koi, anjaane dil pe chha jayega koi

Shayad uske jazbaat samajh payega koi

Achanak uski nazar padi, samne jaise koi apsara khadi

Sapna tha wo ya fir sach, thi wo pyaari badi

Aankhen uski machhli jaisi, jeevan ras chhalkati

Hirni jaisi chanchal lagti, manmohak manbhaati

Balkhaati wo aayi paas, kehna tha usko kuch khaas

Dono ki mili nazar, jaan kar bhi bekhabar

Aayi wo paas aise, dikha gayi khwaab kaise kaise

Bhari dhup aur registaan me koi khila phool jaise

Par tab hua kuch aisa, ki poori duniya hil gayi

Jannat si lagti duniya, jahannum me badal gayi

Kadam hero ne badhaya aur wo paas se nikal gayi.

Paaswale aadmi ko dekh uski nazar sambhal gayi

Tha wo uska pati ye samajh aaya baad me

Toot gaye saare sapne kismat ki ek laath me

Zyada ummeed rakhoge to takleef hogi bhari

Purush bachao samiti dwara janhit me jaari

R I P ('Rest' In Pieces)

2009-02-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

Caution: This “piece” of work is purely fictitious and is nowhere close to reality.

Having home near office feels so good, no need to travel long distances, make way through heavy unpredictable traffic, irritable waiting at signals and the unbearable traffic jams. It just has so many advantages. And if the place is adjoining the company, then it is the best one can ask for. Be it sweet siesta after lunch or to avoid unbearable canteen munch or to watch a cricket match in situation that is crunch, there’s no place like home sweet home.

But every side has two coins… I mean every coin has two sides and likewise having home near office is an open invitation to untimely calls of duty.

When the responsibility of the entire situation is on your “not so broad” shoulders, it can be pain in the neck sometimes.

It happened to be just another routine day till fate decided to give a small piece of it’s signature on my body. I met with a small accident in the evening while on my way back home from some personal work. My vehicle obliged to the slippery surface and surrendered me to the “ever so comfortable” Pune surface. Bruises were as fresh as tender grass and were supplemented by tremendous body ache. So I decided to have a day off and have rest.

The next day started with me calling my boss.

Me: Boss, I met with an accident yesterday. I won’t come to office today.

Boss: Accident? Are you fine? How badly are you hurt? Do you need me to take you to the hospital? Do you need anything?

Me: Easy boss. Not that critical. Just need rest, possibly for tomorrow as well.

Boss: Ok buddy. Enjoy the day.

I felt as if I was taking this off for vacation! “Enjoy the day” was only what I remembered for long.

I was alone in the house and so decided to sleep till late in the morning. My sweet siesta was broken by the ring tone which rung as loudly as if its appraisal was dependent on its performance. (My fault it was to have set that tone. So, no complaints)

Caller: Hello sir, I’m Naveen from HSBC. We have a Lifetime free Credit card offer for TechM employees. Which company do you work for?

Had this guy been talking to me in person, he would have been killed.

Me: I can understand that you have a mind-blowing offer for me, yet it would be so kind of you to leave me alone right now.

Caller: But Sir, we are giving 10% discount for tickets of all multiplexes.

Me: JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!

I disconnected the call.

Ten minutes later again the phone rang. I was at my wit’s end now.

I picked up the call.

Caller: Hello Sir, I’m Praveen from Barclay’s…

Me: #@$^#%!^&!%&. JUST PUT THE PHONE DOWN.

I put my cell on silent mode and kept it aside.

Then some time passed without any disturbance. The purpose of my leave was about to be fulfilled till fate made its presence felt. Two of my team mates had come to see me.

Team Mate 1: Hi dude, how are you now?

Me: Yeah, feeling better now. Still have horrible body ache.

Team Mate 2: Can you able to walk now?

(I was not new to this kind of English so wasn’t surprised.)

Me: Yes I can walk. But still it pains.

Team Mate 1: Arre, India’s match is there today right?

I knew these guys were more interested in match than my condition.

I had no option but to let them enjoy the match while tried to seek some much wanted rest.

They started chatting in their native tone which was completely alien to me.

So, I ignored them. Still, the overall situation was unbearable.

Finally after an hour or so, those guys were compelled to leave. My prayers had been answered in form of a call from the boss.

Then again I saw my phone shiver and unable to shout.

The caller this time was a lady with a soft and a magical voice.

Caller: Hello Sir, Is this Mr. Ashish from Tech Mahindra?

My interest was aroused by the lady’s voice.

Me: Yes, this is Ashish.

Caller: Good Afternoon Sir, I’m Riya from Standard Chartered. Would you be interested in our credit card offer sir?

Me: Look madam, I would donate my salary or even marry you on some other given day. Please excuse me for today.

Caller: When to contact you sir?

I disconnected the call.

I tried to sleep for some time when my landlady made a grand entry.

Lady: How are feeling now beta? Does it still hurt?

Me: Feeling a bit better now auntie. Just body pain is the concern.

Lady: Beta, when we were of your age, wounds and bruises were part and parcel of life. We’ve faced a lot more hardships than you but never did we miss out on our daily chores.

Me: Thanks auntie. Your advice is always so helpful.

(I almost had my jaws aching when I clenched them)

Lady: You have rest. I will send Amol here. He will take good care of your injuries.

Amol was a below average first year medical student, who could have easily won “Irritating Personality of the Year” award for his shrill voice and arrogant attitude.

The very name of Amol sent panic signal through my brain and imagination of him treating me bolted me upright from the bed.

Me: No auntie. Actually, I was just going to Dr. Mehta’s clinic.

Lady: Should I ask him to take you to clinic?

This aggravated me further and I was almost running.

Limping, I got to the doctors place and got nice big dressing for my wounds.

I was asleep for some time. I was feeling the joy of rest for the first time in the day but joy was again short lived.

Some of my ITP friends came to see me, actually the cricket match. They stayed for good long time and it was almost evening till they left.

I was now on verge of frustration when again the bell rang. I opened the door.

Me: Hi Boss. Thanks for coming to see me.

Boss: Anytime dude. I had to come to see my one of the most efficient resources. But it must be very boring at home right? And your wounds seem worse.

Me: I would be fine in two days boss. And yes, it is boring to stay at home.

Boss: I know. So I’ve brought you company. You can have leave for next four days.

Here’s our support laptop and mobile. Enjoy the leave.

Sarfaroshi Ki Tamanna

2009-02-13T23:06:00.000-08:00

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain
Dekhna hai zor kitna baazu-e-qatil me hain

Desh ke veeron ke charano me hai meri prarthana
Jaag jaaye fir dilon me aarzu aur chetna
Jaag jao mulkwalon, fir watan mushkil me hain
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain

Bhrashta durjan se ladon tum na daro hathiyaar se
Mit ta nahi nishchay atal takat se ya talwar se
Ban raha dushman wahan satta ki jo mehfil me hain
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain

Jaag jao mulkwalon na lado ab jaat pe
Ek hoke saamna karna hai ab sab saath me
Jaan lo shaitaan ko us jo aaj har dil-dil me hain
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain

Khatm kar do mann ka ravan satva ke sanhaar se
Khil uthega mann me fir ram har sanskaar se
Raah sach ki tum chuno to jeet har manzil me hain
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain

Bhukh bekaari se maila hai watan ka ye samaa
Hak ka daana chhin gaya fir bhi hai kyun tu bezubaan
Azmale aaj khudko likh nayi ek dastaan
Dekh kitna zor akhir tere dard-e-dil me hain
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain

Na utha auron pe tu dosh ki ye ungaliyan
Dekh mann me jhank ke tune bhi akhir kya kiya
Haar jaane ki ye aadat bas yahan buzdil me hain
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil me hain
Dekhna hai zor kitna baazu-e-qatil me hain

Candle Light Lunch

2007-12-16T02:50:00.000-08:00

“Hey honey, would you come with me for dinner tomorrow? I have something important to discuss” Sameer said. The soft voice on the other side said”Oh honey, I would love to, but I can’t miss the TV serials. Can’t we meet for breakfast or lunch?” Leena said. Leena’s voice would have made anybody fall in love. But it was her deep blue eyes that made Sameer lose his sanity.

Yeah, I will propose her on a tea-stall with a Wada Pav and a filthy cup of tea in hand.’ Tere chai me mere biscuit ko panah mil jaaye…Tere ishq me meri jaan fanaa ho jaaye’ Sameer thought.

“Lee, can’t you spare one day for me?” Sameer argued.
“Would Saturday or Sunday be fine for you?” Leena countered.
“But today is Monday. Saturday is four days away.” said Sameer not ready to let go. “Patience always pays Uncle Sam. Wait till Sunday” she teased.
“Don’t you dare call me uncle, you Bruce Lee!!!” Sameer snapped.
“Ok. We can have dinner the next Sunday!! Good night”
“No wait. HOLD. Lee!!!”

The DDLJ ring tone rang again and Lee picked up her phone.
“Can we have lunch tomorrow?” Sameer said with a defeated tone.
“That’s like a good boy. Tomorrow 12:30 PM Hotel Abhishek…VEG” Leena said stressing on
‘veg’.

No hitch this time. It’s “perform or perish” for me tomorrow. Sameer thought.Sameer bent down on his knees and spreading his arms said “Lee, would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?” The dress rehearsal made him forget that he was still in his office and was jolted to reality when he opened his eyes and saw his manager instead of Leena.
“Well, well, well. We have a Romeo here going to propose his Juliet. Just make sure your girlfriend doesn’t call you Uncle SAM!!” The manager sneered loudly raising few heads around and found Sameer on his knees and thought he was begging for his life or job.
“Anyways Romeo, you have won yourself a free stay here tonight for your splendid performance. The client has an urgent requirement for support. You can rehearse your balcony scene the whole day tomorrow.”

Oh wow!! What next? Sameer thought. Spending the entire night in office, Sameer was exhausted and returned home like soldier bruised from battle. I need sleep .He thought.
He tried but could not sleep. Only one thought was in his mind, Leena. Soon it was 11 in the morning and he was getting ready for the final act. He went to the ATM to get money for buying her a gift and his card stuck in the machine. Everything has to happen today only!!! Why always me?? Sameer thought.

So he decided to start the inning with the ‘old and faithful’ flowers.
Finally it was 12:00 when he reached the arena, the HOTEL that would determine his fate. The waiter on the door said “How many people Sir?”
“2. Special seats” replied Sameer
“Sir, your waiting number is 45. You will have to wait for one and half hour.” Waiter said with a polite smile.
“WHAT???1 and ½ hour? That’s too much.” Sameer said. Uncle Sam had now reached point of frustration.

Then was the moment, Leena entered the arena. She was mesmerizing. Beautiful blue eyes, glowing face and gait like a swan. She seemed like an angel.

The situation was perfect, both were there. The eternal LATA-RAFI duet ‘Waada karle saajna’ was being played in the background. The waiting passage was dimly lit.
He presented her the flowers and she blushed pink. Then he told that they had to wait for another 75 minutes to make it to the table. At this moment, the pink colour was converted to red. Her annoyance was accompanied with power cut and all was dark. This lead to an argument over shifting of the venue but in the end truce was sought by keeping the venue unchanged. Sameer was thinking of kneeling down in front of her and asking her then and there itself but he was reminded of his boss and shrugged the idea.

The waiter by now had silently declared that generator had failed and candles were to run the show.

Finally after 30 minutes, they made it to the table. Power cut was a blessing in disguise since many people had left.

She ordered food and the waiter left. He gazed into her eyes and forgot the entire world.
He gazed deeper and she yawned as widely as she could.

Neither of them was speaking for a moment when Sameer gave first try.

“Lee, we know each other for so long. We’ve had great time together.”
“Yes, so ? I’ve had wonderful times with lot many of my friends. Some of them are real sweethearts” Leena said.

Sameer looked like he was hit square in the face.

“Yes, but I can claim that I know them better than you” Sameer said shakily.
“What?” asked apparently confused Leena.
Sameer: I mean I know you better than they do. I understand you better.
Leena: Yeah. You can say that, though that might not be always true. You see I was always the center of attraction of all the groups and events. So lot of people claimed to be my best friends and Blah! Blah! Blah!
Sameer was now on verge of defeat.

Sameer: So you have lot many of such fools sorry friends on your fooling list?? Where am I in this list? At the top?

Leena: Shut up Sameer!! You are better then those.

Sameer: Until you find next one.

Leena: I’m disgusted with you.

There was deafening silence for a minute. Leena’s anger was now on top floor.

“Ma’am” finally Sameer decided to open up. “W- W-Would you please; should you please? I mean, will you marry me?”
Leena roared in laughter. She had tears in her eyes and said “W-w-would you? Sh-sh -should you? You are so funny. I just can’t control my laughter.”

Sameer had lost it now. He said in absolutely disappointed tone “I knew it. I was never made for you. You don’t even consider it seriously. I should not have thought this in first place”

He was about to get up and leave when she held his hand and said “Everybody makes mistakes. I would be proud to make this one.”

She got up and knelt down and said “Sameer, will you marry me?”

Joys and Sorrows

2007-09-23T02:16:00.000-07:00

We tend to forget the others when we are happy and when that happiness is through an achievement, we find the rest of the world as the place we are least concerned. We only want to be with our near and dear ones sharing the joy, forget about everything else.

It was one such day which I cannot forget. I had bought my first car on my own in just two and a half years of my job. I was very happy and proud of myself. I can never forget the joy in my parents’ eyes. Then it was party time for the friends and what a party we had!!! I had to leave early from the party, so I left. It was about 10:30 in the night.

I was a bit high but thought that I was in full control of myself. Unknowingly speed of my car was increasing. And I could not control the speed of my car on a turning but I turned properly and little did I know what was to happen next.

I heard a loud thud and received a jolt. To know what had happened I got out and before I could do anything, a big hand hit my face. I was slapped by a big man. I was too confused by the happenings to retaliate. Then to my horror I came to know what had happened. I had hit an ambulance. I was in no mood to retaliate seeing what I had done.

The man nearing his 40’s was a person full of mixed emotions. His face was full of fury and still eyes were wet almost like he was about to cry. He was a big man with a broad face, long forehead; hairs combed backwards, little rectangular specs. His receding hairline spoke his age. I saw a lady behind him who I guessed was his wife and she also was sobbing

I dared to say sorry but the man burst “Do you have any idea what you have done? My son is dying here and now his treatment is delayed. I’ll never spare you if anything happens to him”. Now my happiness was shattered to pieces. I was feeling the guilt of a murderer. I still dared to ask” If you don’t mind, can I ask what happened to him?”
At this point, the man’s wife lost control; she started giving howls of cry. The man, composing himself, consoled his wife. Trembling he said” Blood cancer”.

I saw his son in the car. He was hardly 12-13 years of age. A chubby child with his hairs shaved. He had black circles around his eyes. I could see he would have been adorable child when in good health. I was shell shocked to see such a boy suffering from so dreadful disease like blood cancer.

Rush of thoughts was flowing through my mind. How would the boy cope with it?
How severe would it be? What would happen to his parents if he could not make it?
How would I take it if it had happened to me? Why was god so unjust? What wrong had the boy done to have such dreadful enemy? Probably the man had realized that I was repenting on my mistake and he had defeated expressions on his face. He was about to say something when the driver of ambulance said “Sir, the car can’t be repaired immediately, we have to call emergency back up. It would take at least 15 minutes”.It left us all the more in distress and the lady’s cries increased.

That was when I decided to make up my bit for what I was responsible. I promptly
offered a drive in my car and the couple obliged. We took all the necessary things from the ambulance with the nurse and we set off. The man was next to me during the journey. I came to know he also was a software engineer working in Infosys. The boy was named Shantanu. I don’t know how, but I was now able to feel their pain. I didn’t know those people, never seen them before, but just in few minutes of time some kind of bond was created between us. I did not dare mention that this was my new car. Rather, I had forgotten it myself. That was when I decided to make up my bit for what I was responsible. I promptly offered a drive in my car and the couple obliged. We took all the necessary things from the ambulance with the nurse and we set off. The man was next to me during the journey. I came to know he also was a software engineer working in Infosys. The boy was named Shantanu. I don’t know how, but I was now able to feel their pain. I didn’t know those people, never seen them before, but just in few minutes of time some kind of bond was created between us. I did not dare mention that this was my new car. Rather, I had forgotten it myself.

Finally we reached the hospital and the nurse made the necessary arrangements for the boy to be addressed immediately. For the first time in my life, I was praying for somebody I didn’t know. I said “I don’t know what you would feel, but I would like to stay with you till Shantanu is fine. The man said”Young man, I think you have realized your mistake. We can take care of this.” But I insisted them on my stay and they finally agreed. The doctors immediately started the operation. I helped them in completing the formalities. I even offered them financial help but the man cut down my offer sharply. I did not argue.

After 36 hrs of long battle between the doctors and the death, finally operation ended. The doctors came out of the theatre. The man and I both asked simultaneously” How is he?” I don’t know how, but that was my instinctive reaction to which even the couple was surprised a bit. The doctor found it hard how to break it because death had won the battle and the boy could not be saved.

I did not know what to do. I also burst into tears. “It was my fault. It was because of me. Me and that party!!! It’s all because of me” To this the man controlling his emotions said” You were only the medium, the fate had already been written” I was shocked to see how could the man forgive me at that moment? It was difficult to imagine what he would be feeling at that moment, never would I want to be the father in such situation.

Things slowly became normal after the incident. I was quite linked with the couple now as our acquaintance increased. But I would never forgive myself for that single moment of my joy. Sometimes joys bring people together while it’s the sorrows that do this work. Only God knows, had there not been an accident, there might be a chance of saving the boy at least for a few more days.